Time of Understanding

Please forgive me english speakers, I am trying to use your language, not destroy it, but the result it is not so diferent. However I understand that it could make you became angry in any moment with me. But I need try.

Please forgive me spanish speakers, I can understand, this change can be less funny, hardest, and a little uncomfortable, especially if you really know english…

I have understand that I need express myself in english, really I haven´t understand yet why, but perhaps next time…

I have been a long time without writting. The life started to run another time and I had so much stories to tell but not time for it. And then my list of tasks started to increase. I did not know why, what was going in my life, and really, I had not time to understand it. But I had to choose tasks to do and fast, because I had not time

In the english course of Autumn in the Cambridge Adults Center, the wonderful teacher Andrea Aptecker put us one homework, do a speech. It seems easy, I haven not problem to speak in public. The life give me this gift. But when I tried to do the speech was imposible.

I couldn´t take enought time for this. And I Make a big mistake. I choose the gender like object. when I started to look for information the problem was that I wanted to speak about all. I wanted to use all the information, however I will need so much time, all the life for it.

And this fact started to be an example of my life  here, I started a lot of interesting projects, so interestings, and so demanding…. and I could not doing them as I expected.

All this time, I had in my mind, the feeling that I was no understanding what was being happening to me. What is the new way of my life?

There was an special moment, the moment that We decided to stay here more years. I could not write about it, then I stopped all my crazy activity because I couldn´t undertand what was going on around me…was time to take a lot of decisions, time to reactions, to support all the fear, and there was no time for understandings.

At this time, when I was more lost come to Boston a friend, one of this persons that appears in the life, like magic, to put light in your life. It is not the first time that Ana appears like a fairy to put order in my way. She remembered me that I need to draw. This is my order, my yoga, my mindfulness.

 

Then I started to draw portraits again, for me, they are no perfects, but they draw in my mind the order that I needed. They put all in the place it must be. I felt so good, and at least I could finish my presentation, my speech, about gender, for another class of english.

At least I have understand of the gender in my life, I am not a fighter, it is true. However, the gender is affecting me directly. I can not be a feminist, but I need to try to make a place in my life for the gender questions, because this is something that affect me every day. Nobody can say me that I must be in silent because I am not a fighter. Nobody can say me, how I must feel it, because is something mine, is part of my organism, of my life.

Is part of all, and this is not only a personal question. Hopefully. It is a social question. Because nobody man or woman must give up to their dreams of future for the natural fact of being reproduction. If the society produce this stop in our way…then…is not a society is a organization, and we have to look for the responsibles of lack our freedom.

 

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